The Association of Sites Advocating Child Protection (ASACP) has released Best Practices for Social Media. ASACP’s Best Practices were developed to help businesses maximize their ability to stop online child pornography and to help parents prevent their children from unknowingly viewing age-restricted content on the world-wide web.

According to Pew Internet Research, nearly three quarters (73%) of online teens and an equal number (72%) of young adults use social network sites. You can see the research here.

“Since children’s use of social media network sites are continuing to increase and the adult industry continues to lead in the use of technology, it is important for ASACP to consistently update its Best Practices” stated ASACP CEO Joan Irvine. “Granted there are no perfect solutions, but ASACP’s Best Practices are the best tools available to protect children and your company. We encourage everyone, whether they are an ASACP member or not, to review them regularly at the website.”

Social Media Best Practices

• Label all sexually explicit ‘social media content postings’, including but not limited to text, video, audio, images or widgets enabling any software functionality.

• All social media content postings should indicate “Age-Restricted” or “Sexually Explicit” based on the content.

• When you direct people to age-restricted content or commerce on or from online social networks & mobile devices, ensure that all of your social media and mobile pages, from blogs, ads, and ecommerce tools, to videos, fan pages, apps and widgets are labeled with the Restricted to Adults – RTA website label.

Irvine added “As a result, if parents or guardians have activated one of the many parental filters including those in the Apple and Microsoft operating systems, minors will be blocked from access to and prevented from the ability to purchase age-restricted material and products.”

Founded in 1996, ASACP is a non-profit organization dedicated to online child protection. ASACP comprises of two separate corporate entities, the Association of Sites Advocating Child Protection and the ASACP Foundation. The Association of Sites Advocating Child Protection (ASACP) is a 501(c)(4) social welfare organization. ASACP manages a membership program that provides resources to companies in order to help them protect children online. The ASACP Foundation is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization. The ASACP Foundation battles child pornography through its CP Reporting Hotline and helps parents prevent children from viewing age-restricted material online with its Restricted To Adults – RTA Website Label. ASACP is the only association in the world that coordinates the adult entertainment industry’s efforts to protect children online. It has spent over 14 years creating progressive programs to protect children. ASACP’s relat ionship in assisting the adult industry’s child protection efforts is unparalleled. Companies and individuals interested in supporting ASACP may go to www.asacp.org for more information on how to get involved.

The ASACP is a great organization that helps protect children. I truly feel that as those in the business of entertaining adults, we have to keep in mind that our entertainment is not meant for children – and we should participate in making sure that our entertainment is kept only for adults. As a non-profit entity, the ASACP depends on donations and participation to keep itself running. Please, if you have an adult site, use the RTA label. To donate, please go here.

Adult performers primarily operate on ego – and male performers seem to operate on that more than female performers. It’s an industry that operates on physical attractiveness, a measure of youthfulness, and ability to perform on cue. It’s a hard (pardon the pun) industry for men – their performance is clearly visible. Female performers can get away with, well, performance — in the acting sense of the word. There are only a few performers that work without having met all of the superficial criteria laid out above (for instance, Ron Jeremy) — but those performers are rare, are still able to perform, and come with an established history in the business. I have a lot of respect for male performers because if I were a guy, I probably wouldn’t be able to perform on cue like they do.

I’m not sure which “industry veteran” with whom you spoke, but I do know that performers in general have been feeling the pinch of the decline of the adult industry. Fewer bookings means less money, and less money means the inability to do those things that came so easily (again, pardon the pun) when money was flowing. More performers competing for fewer shoots means that everyone’s frustrated — financially as well as sexually, even in an industry that is built on sex.

Personally, I think it’s hypocritical to be a performer in the adult industry and then expect their life partner to not “give away anything so important and valuable.” Saying “I’m off to shoot a scene with a hot xxx performer, but you can’t do the same because for me it’s work, for you it means you’re cheating,” implies a double standard, which often results in industry relationships falling apart.

Is there drug use in the industry? Alcohol abuse? Of course. Is it more or less than drug and alcohol abuse in other business sectors? I’m not sure. I know of enough lawyers and stockbrokers who are on cocaine to stay awake to do their jobs, and enough blue-collar workers who abuse alcohol, and varying degrees of that scattered in between. It’s an escapist methodology that doesn’t stay restricted to the adult industry – and to say that it is limited to that line of work is narrow-minded and shallow.

What about the statistics surrounding STDs and the adult industry? Anyone who says that STDs do not occur outside of XXX, and that XXX is responsible for the spread of STDs is, again, narrow-minded. Blaming any industry that an outsider doesn’t understand is nothing new — it happens in religion, politics, and mainstream business all the time. The adult industry requires testing of its performers — something that isn’t required by most men and women in the dating scene. There is no desire in common society for a couple who is just starting to be intimate to check each other’s sexual health history. The implication is that it’s rude to ask, and presumptuous to assume that the other person might have an STD. As a result, people get infected on a regular basis outside the industry. At least we’re regulated in that regard.

Does the industry attract people who are “weak minded”? Perhaps, at one time. Perhaps, even now, within a certain segment of the populace. It’s an industry that showcases barely-legal performers in sexual situations, and to an extent, capitalizes on the rebellious nature of teens finally out of their parents’ rule. Yes, it attracts the desperate. High school dropouts who became single moms, who turned to stripping, who turned to porn as a means to put food on the table and a roof over their heads – you hear that all the time.

However, the industry is no longer LIMITED to those with no education and a dead end life. With the recent recession, the industry also saw older performers and college graduates enter the adult workforce as a means to ride out the economic turmoil. Of those who did come from educated (whether in life or in school) backgrounds; many performers were also sexually open, and used the industry to experiment and explore their own sexual boundaries. So the assumption that those who perform in the industry are “weak minded” no longer holds true.

My response to Chris Hedges would be this: he assumes there is no socially redeeming value to adult entertainment because he already has preconceived notions about the industry (and other aspects of society) prior to his writing. Everyone is different. Everyone has a different kink. Having, as you noted, twenty-five guys masturbate all over a girl may be a sexual turn-on for some, not limited to the viewer but to the performer as well. For some, it’s not. It’s all about perspective. No one is forcing the girl to sit and take that sort of treatment (unless she has a pimp, which is another conversation altogether). The girl CHOSE to be in that position, and these days, it’s not only because she is being lured by a paycheck (with the decline of the industry, pay for scenes isn’t what it used to be) or being forced to by a pimp. If that isn’t empowering, I’m not sure what is. Assuming that something that YOU find perverse or a turn-off would be the same for the rest of the world is, as I said before, narrow-minded, shallow, and self-centered. Do all women have to conform to only being allowed to enjoy sex in the missionary position with a certain number of strokes before the man ejaculates? Is it bad that a man/woman actually enjoys him/herself in the throes of rough sex? Anal play? Bondage? Does that make him/her evil? Or does that allow people to accept their own private proclivities without feeling as if they themselves are a social outcast? Does it allow people to wonder if something really is enjoyable, and explore their own sexuality with themselves or with a partner? Does it ultimately help us accept and be more tolerant of each other’s differences?

Personally, I feel that your time on this planet, regardless of industry, is what you make of it. I entered the business as part of an emotional sabbatical after a traumatic breakup — I CHOSE to work with tested talent in scenes that I agreed to because, in all honesty, I felt it was safer than going to a nightclub or a bar, or even answering a personals ad. I’d had enough bad experiences with civilian people that I thought were honest with me, who turned out not to be. If there is anything that could be said about the adult industry, it is that at least the parameters were roughly, bluntly, shamelessly laid out. You and your scene partner are paid to perform in front of a camera in a sexual situation. Sometimes there is chemistry, sometimes there is not. You agree to the scene, positions, and dialogue in the scene prior to performance. When the scene is done, people are paid — and you may never hear from them again. You may not see them for months, until you are both hired again to be in another scene. The cycle repeats. There’s no deceit nor pretense as to whether or not the scene is truly romantic. It’s a job.

Getting into the adult industry may have been the single-most boost to my self-esteem in my life. I’m a larger girl, categorized in the industry as a BBW (big beautiful woman). Like most bigger girls, I was teased through most of my childhood. Society doesn’t portray bigger people as sexy or beautiful — we’re supposed to be funny. Comedic. Acceptable to be made fun of. As an adult performer, I not only had a hair/makeup person tending to me, but fans who would take the time to tell you how beautiful, sexy, attractive, desired you were. My experience may be different from other performers, but for me, it was uplifting.

My time in the industry was not a career choice; it was a sabbatical. Perhaps that may be the difference between performers who are bitter and those who are not; I never intended for my time in this industry to be a life-long career. I got in while I was in my mid-thirties, not when I was “barely legal”. I picked what scenes I wanted to do and turned down projects that didn’t appeal to me. Over time, performances have slowed (as they do for most performers, as new girls constantly come in to take your place), and I found that I no longer want to perform as much as before. Perhaps my “sowing of my oats” period had come to an end, but I was ready to date again, and was lucky enough to find someone in the industry who I adore spending my time with. There’s no judgment; trying to date someone outside the business comes with its own set of problems due to social norms and assumptions of whorish behavior, and I don’t have to deal with those issues with my partner.

In time, I know I will stop performing altogether. Understanding that youth and beauty fade, and with that, the amount of work diminishes, is something that those who enjoy their time in this industry understand. I’ve already started to take the steps to have a career that doesn’t rely on performance — and I’ll be able to look back at my time in the adult industry as something that was exciting, titillating, and an interesting life experience.

Anyhow – that was probably an incredibly long response to your email. Please feel free to ask me any questions, if you need more info on any particular part of what I have written.

Warm Regards,
Kelly

With adult performers such as Sasha Grey and Tommy Gunn appearing on mainstream shows such as Entourage (and you KNOW the drama that is upcoming because Vincent is dating a (gasp!) pornstar while up for a Stan Lee production), the perpetuation of assumptions about the industry is bound to continue.

I’m not sure to what extent my diatribe to the writer will be used, but I hope that perhaps it’ll be enough to make people question their assumptions about the people who choose to make sex their business.

I met CWL on Twitter (@CWLcentral) a few weeks ago, and really liked how he was posting various tips and advice both for models as well as fans on how to interact with each other. So often, I hear so many complaints from models about how “fans” treat them on social networks – and I’ve had my fair share as well. CWL’s information comes from a guy’s point of view, so it’s short, sweet and makes perfect sense. As he puts it, “I am the Original C.W.L. (Curvy Women Lover), trying to establish a new name for men who prefer curvy girls and help out the guys who lack social skills.” Although his preference is for thicker ladies, I think the advice applies for all adult industry fans:

INTRO

I decided to make this list after hearing horror stories from models telling me what kind of non sense they get from guys wanting to hook up. Hopefully this list will help some guys and therefor the models won’t have to deal with such non sense. – CWL

Top 10 Tips for succesful interraction with Web Models
(not in a specific order)

• Tip 1 : Models won’t date a fan, they’ll date a man.
  • Never use the word fan when refering to yourself – she already has a bunch of fans and that won’t make you stand out.
• Tip 2 : Don’t give your cell number in the first message.
  • Desperation = LAME
  • Seriously guys, come on!
• Tip 3 : Be respectful and don’t treat her like a fantasy or object.
  • She’s real with real emotions.
  • This seems very obvious for many, but it’s still a common mistake.
• Tip 4 : Giving too many compliments is like digging your own grave.
  • Too much is, well, too much.
  • Be nice, but don’t seemed obsessed.
• Tip 5 : Don’t send a cock pic.
  • Models get a bunch of them and will most likely get you on the ignore list.
• Tip 6 : Don’t ask for free pics or videos.
  • Makes you look broke and no girls want to date a broke guy.
• Tip 7 : Don’t ask her what her measurements are or bra size right away.
  • Would you ask a girl in a club that? Get to know her first.
  • Also seems obvious but this is a big rookie mistake.
  • You have you have to ease your way into this one.
• Tip 8 : Patience.. don’t go all out at once.
  • You’ll look desperate and scare her off.
  • This one pretty much applies to all the other tips.
  • Don’t rush anything!
• Tip 9 : Being overly sexual off the bat is the biggest source of failure.
  • Let her intiniate the intimacy in a conversation.
  • Might never get there, but patience is the key once again.
• Tip 10 : Don’t expect to get laid, it will most likely not happen.
  • You have to be realistic, buddy!

It’s not that adult performers don’t want to be chatted up. It’s not that we’re bitchy on a regular basis either. It’s just that we’re entertainers with a high sex drive – but we’re still entertainers. Talking to us as if we were streetwalkers won’t get you anywhere, unfortunately, except an invitation to a webcam or membership site – basically, treat us like whores, and you’ll get treated like a john (LOL).

There are a few people (non-industry) that I have met on Twitter that I do hang out with – and they’re not all women. If you’re respectful, polite, act like a gentleman and don’t try to get into my pants, then the likelihood that I’ll be comfortable enough to hang out with you will go up. If on the other hand, you make things pretty clear that all you’re interested in is a little free pornstar booty – well, you know what’ll happen. I won’t feel safe enough to hang out with you, and I’ll just ask you to view my videos instead.

If you’d like to chat with CWL about his advice or anything else, you can find him here:

On Thursday, January 7th, three parties are lined up in a row to allow AEE attendees a comfortable flow of party traffic. Following the Good Vibrations’ “Speakeasy” party from 7-9pm, partygoers are invited to attend a unique fundraiser event – Kelly Shibari and PornstarTweet’s “Breasts & Bondage”.

“Breasts & Bondage”, combining both kink and porn communities, will be held at the Erotic Heritage Museum and will benefit both the Museum and Susan G Komen For The Cure. The fundraiser is sponsored by PaddedKink, PornstarTweet, YNOT, MaXXXimum Network and ReverseTensionz.

Live bondage performances and demonstrations as well as band Midnight Reign and DJSadist will entertain partygoers. The Museum is also extending its hours to accommodate the fundraiser. In addition, a midnight raffle will be giving away items ranging from adult DVD packs, BDSM gear, website memberships, collector’s art pieces and more. “Raffle girls” include Shibari, MILF performer Persia Monir and AVN December cover girl April Flores, among others.

“My mother currently has breast cancer,” said Shibari, “and she has been my personal hero all my life, from her inner strength to her independent spirit. Choosing breast cancer awareness for the fundraiser was a logical and very easy choice.”

“When Kelly asked PornStar Tweet to participate in this event we didn’t hesitate, we both believe that through social networking and events like this one we can help spread the word that awareness is the key.  We’re not just talking to women out there, but the men that love them to get involved and make their loved ones get breast exams”, said Pete Housley CEO for PornStarTweet.com.

“Breasts & Bondage” will be from 10pm to 2am. An afterparty will be held at the Velvet Lion Topless Nightclub till the early morning hours. Tickets can be purchased at the door for $20 for those 21 and over and is open to the public.

For more information, visit http://breastsandbondage.info, a safe-for-work site. Anonymous and non-attendee donations to the event can also be made through the site.

1) I have been told by a handful of people not to associate with a certain colleague. They were people I trust and like, and we share similar interests. However, either because I’m stubborn or just a masochist, I am one of those people that, for some reason, has to learn on their own. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and hope that my friends’ experiences with that person were singular and unique to them, and somehow my interaction with that person would turn out differently, in a positive way.

Of course, I was wrong. Wait… Should I have written “of course” there? Should the majority consensus rule my decisions on how something turns out? No. But in this particular case, they were right, I was wrong — and I made the appropriate phone calls of apology for not having listened to them. I licked my wounds from learning on my own, knowing that my friends were thinking in my best interest.

Would I listen to them again? Perhaps. But more than likely, no. I’m just one of those people that think that each interaction is different. I’ll probably have to lick my wounds again… but luckily, my friends are those that will not judge me when I go against their advice. They’re like me, and when I make those mistakes despite their better judgment, they will accept my apology with open arms.

2) I recently was the one on the other side of the fence. I had told someone that a mutual acquaintance was someone whom I did not trust. I made sure that I told the person that it was up to them whether or not they talked to this person who had wronged me. Who was I to dictate who my friends could and could not see?

Unfortunately, the person and I had a falling out of our own, and she migrated to that person who I had warned her about. They then decided to spend their time being “best buds” online, posting about how I was an idiot. I even received some hate mail from the person I had warned her about, including some rather strong physical threats. I sent a polite email back stating my position, and ignored the rest of the messages that were sent my way. I am not sure if they are still “best buds,” or if, as I suggested, that friendship ended badly just as mine had done with the person in question.

What did I learn? Did I learn that I shouldn’t warn people about others? Did I learn that I should keep my mouth shut and not share my experiences for the possible benefit of others? Rather, I learned that if you’re going to dole advice, or pass judgment, even if you leave the decision making up to the person you are talking to, you better be able to back up your claims. I was able to, so I was also able to walk away from that drama without humiliation.

So, what’s the lesson here? If I could pass along some of my own advice, it would be this:

• If you care who your friend’s friend is, then you probably have more time on your hands than I ever will. Perhaps a hobby might be in order, or a nice book?
• If you make your friendship decisions based on who your friend’s friends are, then, well, you probably have no original thoughts. Do you really like being a lemming?
• If you need to warn a friend about a questionable person, business, or product – be able to back it up with facts. FACTS. Not hearsay, not supposition, not idle obsessive “deduction”. You know what they say about assumptions.
• If you do warn a friend about something/someone who is suspect, and they decide to try it anyway, be there if they decide they made a mistake and come back.
• If you do warn a friend about something/someone who is suspect, and they decide that they are compatible, then be happy for them. Don’t chastise them just because they succeeded where you failed. They were able to find a connection that you were not able to achieve — whether that’s good or bad, is dependent on the individual. Not you.

Yes, I know. I mess up from time to time too. But reminding yourself that not only do you falter but so do the people around you as often as you can, can be the difference between a bitter, lonely person and someone who is willing to forgive, embrace change, and bend. Making sure that the six degrees of separation are indeed separated rather than a tightly wound bundle of sticks means that when arguments arise, that bundle doesn’t go up in flames. Allowing others to live their own life, while allowing them to enrich yours in their own way, without interference, may be a utopian ideal but is definitely one that I feel we can’t stop striving towards.

Have you had any interactions where your friendships were questioned? Have you questioned someone’s friendships? Were you able to rise above, or did you let your selfish motivations get the better of you?

More on this, and how it applies to social media, marketing, and business in general to come for you to read…of course, unless you’re a friend of anyone I may not like… j/k.

I hope you enjoy – I answer questions about my experience in the industry as well as how I got into it

GamelinkInterviewFeb2009

“It’s called “self-esteem, you c*nt. I was giving you an opportunity that the rest of society has not.” (<---I have altered the offending word)

and

“I can easily hire you through someone else and create a scenario that would have serious ramifications.”

After thanking him for “putting (his) idle threat in such a way that I now have a written record,” I wondered how many other women he had threatened. I contacted the person whose name he had dropped when contacting me, to let her know of my experience with him. It’s too bad, really, since this person’s other businesses include a site for dads – it’s disheartening to think that he may be preaching hatred and discrimination to others, including his own children, especially since he is a minority and a father himself.

Some opinions about this entire experience:

(1) I am choosy about what scenes I do, and don’t do. That is my prerogative as a performer. If you are a performer who is OK with doing certain scenes, then by all means, do them! Every performer should have a list of limits. It’s for your own safety and sanity.

(2) Don’t be persuaded to do scenes you wouldn’t normally do regardless of what you are offered financially. This applies in non-performance work as well – don’t do things just because you are being paid to do it. Nine times out of ten, you’ll regret having done them, and in this day and age, there’s a record of everything online.

(3) Think. Think carefully. Take your time with each and every decision you make in life, business, family, friends. Remember this:

EVERYTHING you do becomes your brand.

If you want to be known as a performer who’ll do anything and everything, including being demeaned, then that’s your brand. If you’re ok with that, then, “hooray!” However, if you are NOT… don’t. That one quick decision to do something just because the money was good will be your cross to bear for the rest of your career.

(4) Be willing and able to back any decision up with logic. No one can win an argument with you if you have a logical explanation as to your choices.

(5) Before you write ANYTHING online, offline, snail mail or text – THINK. A written record WILL hold up in court. Refer back to (3).

(6) Understand the market and community into which you are trying to market or recruit. If a community is well-connected (such as the BBW niche adult market), and you are an outsider, then take the time to understand how that community works. It’s a failing game if you think you can apply your negative values to a community that sticks together and hope that you can monetize successfully.

(7) Understand that models, employees, customers and fans will, if smart, do a background check on you prior to making a buying or hiring decision. If you have a history of being a jerk, then that is available online SOMEWHERE. If you’re a great company, that will be online as well. Don’t be so naive to think that just because the internet is vast that your negative feedback can’t be found. Make sure that what you say and do online (as well as off) reflects who you are. People WILL be checking before making decisions. EXPECT people to ask and check references.

(8) Calling someone a “c*nt” is NEVER a good thing (in my book).

If my exchange with this producer had just ended in him calling me a name, I would have chalked that up to a newbie producer with too big of a fragile go, with no understanding of the niche nor the industry and walked away. However, it was his idle threat that he would try to figure out a way to book me on a shoot that would have “serious ramifications” that made me decide to warn other models as well as other producers and webmasters.

I’m not going to mention his name in this blog. However, I will make his name available to anyone who asks. I’m not saying that people SHOULDN’T work with this man – if the scenes he is producing is OK with you, then who am I to tell you not to do it? However, it is also my responsibility as a perfomer in this industry to make sure that others are warned, especially any ladies who are new to the industry and are either too timid or inexperienced to ask all of the right questions.

I hope that every performer has a great experience on every set they are on. However, I know that this is simply not the case. Communicating with each other is the only way we can all stay informed.

PS. Please feel free to RT this post, share on Facebook, and comment on this post directly. One of the best ways to spread the word is to comment and share

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Theresa-

To those that have broken ties, I hope that the world is a better place for you now without the stress and chaos of anger. I wish you nothing but the best, and should you choose to mend the bridge, I’ll be there to work on that with you. If not, then know that there is a place of Zen for everyone. I hope you can find yours as I have found mine.

What kind of things do you do when you’re met with an inevitable wall of stress and chaos? Are there any tricks you use to bring the Zen back into your life?