I met CWL on Twitter (@CWLcentral) a few weeks ago, and really liked how he was posting various tips and advice both for models as well as fans on how to interact with each other. So often, I hear so many complaints from models about how “fans” treat them on social networks – and I’ve had my fair share as well. CWL’s information comes from a guy’s point of view, so it’s short, sweet and makes perfect sense. As he puts it, “I am the Original C.W.L. (Curvy Women Lover), trying to establish a new name for men who prefer curvy girls and help out the guys who lack social skills.” Although his preference is for thicker ladies, I think the advice applies for all adult industry fans:

INTRO

I decided to make this list after hearing horror stories from models telling me what kind of non sense they get from guys wanting to hook up. Hopefully this list will help some guys and therefor the models won’t have to deal with such non sense. – CWL

Top 10 Tips for succesful interraction with Web Models
(not in a specific order)

• Tip 1 : Models won’t date a fan, they’ll date a man.
  • Never use the word fan when refering to yourself – she already has a bunch of fans and that won’t make you stand out.
• Tip 2 : Don’t give your cell number in the first message.
  • Desperation = LAME
  • Seriously guys, come on!
• Tip 3 : Be respectful and don’t treat her like a fantasy or object.
  • She’s real with real emotions.
  • This seems very obvious for many, but it’s still a common mistake.
• Tip 4 : Giving too many compliments is like digging your own grave.
  • Too much is, well, too much.
  • Be nice, but don’t seemed obsessed.
• Tip 5 : Don’t send a cock pic.
  • Models get a bunch of them and will most likely get you on the ignore list.
• Tip 6 : Don’t ask for free pics or videos.
  • Makes you look broke and no girls want to date a broke guy.
• Tip 7 : Don’t ask her what her measurements are or bra size right away.
  • Would you ask a girl in a club that? Get to know her first.
  • Also seems obvious but this is a big rookie mistake.
  • You have you have to ease your way into this one.
• Tip 8 : Patience.. don’t go all out at once.
  • You’ll look desperate and scare her off.
  • This one pretty much applies to all the other tips.
  • Don’t rush anything!
• Tip 9 : Being overly sexual off the bat is the biggest source of failure.
  • Let her intiniate the intimacy in a conversation.
  • Might never get there, but patience is the key once again.
• Tip 10 : Don’t expect to get laid, it will most likely not happen.
  • You have to be realistic, buddy!

It’s not that adult performers don’t want to be chatted up. It’s not that we’re bitchy on a regular basis either. It’s just that we’re entertainers with a high sex drive – but we’re still entertainers. Talking to us as if we were streetwalkers won’t get you anywhere, unfortunately, except an invitation to a webcam or membership site – basically, treat us like whores, and you’ll get treated like a john (LOL).

There are a few people (non-industry) that I have met on Twitter that I do hang out with – and they’re not all women. If you’re respectful, polite, act like a gentleman and don’t try to get into my pants, then the likelihood that I’ll be comfortable enough to hang out with you will go up. If on the other hand, you make things pretty clear that all you’re interested in is a little free pornstar booty – well, you know what’ll happen. I won’t feel safe enough to hang out with you, and I’ll just ask you to view my videos instead.

If you’d like to chat with CWL about his advice or anything else, you can find him here:

On Thursday, January 7th, three parties are lined up in a row to allow AEE attendees a comfortable flow of party traffic. Following the Good Vibrations’ “Speakeasy” party from 7-9pm, partygoers are invited to attend a unique fundraiser event – Kelly Shibari and PornstarTweet’s “Breasts & Bondage”.

“Breasts & Bondage”, combining both kink and porn communities, will be held at the Erotic Heritage Museum and will benefit both the Museum and Susan G Komen For The Cure. The fundraiser is sponsored by PaddedKink, PornstarTweet, YNOT, MaXXXimum Network and ReverseTensionz.

Live bondage performances and demonstrations as well as band Midnight Reign and DJSadist will entertain partygoers. The Museum is also extending its hours to accommodate the fundraiser. In addition, a midnight raffle will be giving away items ranging from adult DVD packs, BDSM gear, website memberships, collector’s art pieces and more. “Raffle girls” include Shibari, MILF performer Persia Monir and AVN December cover girl April Flores, among others.

“My mother currently has breast cancer,” said Shibari, “and she has been my personal hero all my life, from her inner strength to her independent spirit. Choosing breast cancer awareness for the fundraiser was a logical and very easy choice.”

“When Kelly asked PornStar Tweet to participate in this event we didn’t hesitate, we both believe that through social networking and events like this one we can help spread the word that awareness is the key.  We’re not just talking to women out there, but the men that love them to get involved and make their loved ones get breast exams”, said Pete Housley CEO for PornStarTweet.com.

“Breasts & Bondage” will be from 10pm to 2am. An afterparty will be held at the Velvet Lion Topless Nightclub till the early morning hours. Tickets can be purchased at the door for $20 for those 21 and over and is open to the public.

For more information, visit http://breastsandbondage.info, a safe-for-work site. Anonymous and non-attendee donations to the event can also be made through the site.

1) I have been told by a handful of people not to associate with a certain colleague. They were people I trust and like, and we share similar interests. However, either because I’m stubborn or just a masochist, I am one of those people that, for some reason, has to learn on their own. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and hope that my friends’ experiences with that person were singular and unique to them, and somehow my interaction with that person would turn out differently, in a positive way.

Of course, I was wrong. Wait… Should I have written “of course” there? Should the majority consensus rule my decisions on how something turns out? No. But in this particular case, they were right, I was wrong — and I made the appropriate phone calls of apology for not having listened to them. I licked my wounds from learning on my own, knowing that my friends were thinking in my best interest.

Would I listen to them again? Perhaps. But more than likely, no. I’m just one of those people that think that each interaction is different. I’ll probably have to lick my wounds again… but luckily, my friends are those that will not judge me when I go against their advice. They’re like me, and when I make those mistakes despite their better judgment, they will accept my apology with open arms.

2) I recently was the one on the other side of the fence. I had told someone that a mutual acquaintance was someone whom I did not trust. I made sure that I told the person that it was up to them whether or not they talked to this person who had wronged me. Who was I to dictate who my friends could and could not see?

Unfortunately, the person and I had a falling out of our own, and she migrated to that person who I had warned her about. They then decided to spend their time being “best buds” online, posting about how I was an idiot. I even received some hate mail from the person I had warned her about, including some rather strong physical threats. I sent a polite email back stating my position, and ignored the rest of the messages that were sent my way. I am not sure if they are still “best buds,” or if, as I suggested, that friendship ended badly just as mine had done with the person in question.

What did I learn? Did I learn that I shouldn’t warn people about others? Did I learn that I should keep my mouth shut and not share my experiences for the possible benefit of others? Rather, I learned that if you’re going to dole advice, or pass judgment, even if you leave the decision making up to the person you are talking to, you better be able to back up your claims. I was able to, so I was also able to walk away from that drama without humiliation.

So, what’s the lesson here? If I could pass along some of my own advice, it would be this:

• If you care who your friend’s friend is, then you probably have more time on your hands than I ever will. Perhaps a hobby might be in order, or a nice book?
• If you make your friendship decisions based on who your friend’s friends are, then, well, you probably have no original thoughts. Do you really like being a lemming?
• If you need to warn a friend about a questionable person, business, or product – be able to back it up with facts. FACTS. Not hearsay, not supposition, not idle obsessive “deduction”. You know what they say about assumptions.
• If you do warn a friend about something/someone who is suspect, and they decide to try it anyway, be there if they decide they made a mistake and come back.
• If you do warn a friend about something/someone who is suspect, and they decide that they are compatible, then be happy for them. Don’t chastise them just because they succeeded where you failed. They were able to find a connection that you were not able to achieve — whether that’s good or bad, is dependent on the individual. Not you.

Yes, I know. I mess up from time to time too. But reminding yourself that not only do you falter but so do the people around you as often as you can, can be the difference between a bitter, lonely person and someone who is willing to forgive, embrace change, and bend. Making sure that the six degrees of separation are indeed separated rather than a tightly wound bundle of sticks means that when arguments arise, that bundle doesn’t go up in flames. Allowing others to live their own life, while allowing them to enrich yours in their own way, without interference, may be a utopian ideal but is definitely one that I feel we can’t stop striving towards.

Have you had any interactions where your friendships were questioned? Have you questioned someone’s friendships? Were you able to rise above, or did you let your selfish motivations get the better of you?

More on this, and how it applies to social media, marketing, and business in general to come for you to read…of course, unless you’re a friend of anyone I may not like… j/k.

I hope you enjoy – I answer questions about my experience in the industry as well as how I got into it

GamelinkInterviewFeb2009

“It’s called “self-esteem, you c*nt. I was giving you an opportunity that the rest of society has not.” (<---I have altered the offending word)

and

“I can easily hire you through someone else and create a scenario that would have serious ramifications.”

After thanking him for “putting (his) idle threat in such a way that I now have a written record,” I wondered how many other women he had threatened. I contacted the person whose name he had dropped when contacting me, to let her know of my experience with him. It’s too bad, really, since this person’s other businesses include a site for dads – it’s disheartening to think that he may be preaching hatred and discrimination to others, including his own children, especially since he is a minority and a father himself.

Some opinions about this entire experience:

(1) I am choosy about what scenes I do, and don’t do. That is my prerogative as a performer. If you are a performer who is OK with doing certain scenes, then by all means, do them! Every performer should have a list of limits. It’s for your own safety and sanity.

(2) Don’t be persuaded to do scenes you wouldn’t normally do regardless of what you are offered financially. This applies in non-performance work as well – don’t do things just because you are being paid to do it. Nine times out of ten, you’ll regret having done them, and in this day and age, there’s a record of everything online.

(3) Think. Think carefully. Take your time with each and every decision you make in life, business, family, friends. Remember this:

EVERYTHING you do becomes your brand.

If you want to be known as a performer who’ll do anything and everything, including being demeaned, then that’s your brand. If you’re ok with that, then, “hooray!” However, if you are NOT… don’t. That one quick decision to do something just because the money was good will be your cross to bear for the rest of your career.

(4) Be willing and able to back any decision up with logic. No one can win an argument with you if you have a logical explanation as to your choices.

(5) Before you write ANYTHING online, offline, snail mail or text – THINK. A written record WILL hold up in court. Refer back to (3).

(6) Understand the market and community into which you are trying to market or recruit. If a community is well-connected (such as the BBW niche adult market), and you are an outsider, then take the time to understand how that community works. It’s a failing game if you think you can apply your negative values to a community that sticks together and hope that you can monetize successfully.

(7) Understand that models, employees, customers and fans will, if smart, do a background check on you prior to making a buying or hiring decision. If you have a history of being a jerk, then that is available online SOMEWHERE. If you’re a great company, that will be online as well. Don’t be so naive to think that just because the internet is vast that your negative feedback can’t be found. Make sure that what you say and do online (as well as off) reflects who you are. People WILL be checking before making decisions. EXPECT people to ask and check references.

(8) Calling someone a “c*nt” is NEVER a good thing (in my book).

If my exchange with this producer had just ended in him calling me a name, I would have chalked that up to a newbie producer with too big of a fragile go, with no understanding of the niche nor the industry and walked away. However, it was his idle threat that he would try to figure out a way to book me on a shoot that would have “serious ramifications” that made me decide to warn other models as well as other producers and webmasters.

I’m not going to mention his name in this blog. However, I will make his name available to anyone who asks. I’m not saying that people SHOULDN’T work with this man – if the scenes he is producing is OK with you, then who am I to tell you not to do it? However, it is also my responsibility as a perfomer in this industry to make sure that others are warned, especially any ladies who are new to the industry and are either too timid or inexperienced to ask all of the right questions.

I hope that every performer has a great experience on every set they are on. However, I know that this is simply not the case. Communicating with each other is the only way we can all stay informed.

PS. Please feel free to RT this post, share on Facebook, and comment on this post directly. One of the best ways to spread the word is to comment and share

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Theresa-

To those that have broken ties, I hope that the world is a better place for you now without the stress and chaos of anger. I wish you nothing but the best, and should you choose to mend the bridge, I’ll be there to work on that with you. If not, then know that there is a place of Zen for everyone. I hope you can find yours as I have found mine.

What kind of things do you do when you’re met with an inevitable wall of stress and chaos? Are there any tricks you use to bring the Zen back into your life?

• A documentary is being created about ladies considering entering the world of adult entertainment.
• Ladies who are not yet in the industry or have just recently entered are encouraged to submit their info for consideration.
• Nothing pornographic will be shot for this documentary – this is strictly interview-format. They’re interested in knowing your story – what made you consider getting into adult entertainment, your goals, your plans, your background. The goal is to show the many faces of sexuality in America – that not all entertainers come from broken homes or abused childhoods.
• Unfortunately, the BBW/plus-size position for this documentary has already been cast (and no, it’s not me, LOL!).
• Unfortunately, if you are an established adult performer they will not be able to use you. This is strictly for those ladies considering entering the business, are new to the business, or are on the fence about entering the business.
• Unfortunately this casting is for ladies and trans performers only.
• They are currently looking for MILFs, California girls, alternative girls, trans performers, and any other ladies that will make this a well-rounded documentary.